Is Life A Paradox?

Is life a paradox
I keep wondering why
sometimes it feels so warm
but at the same time it feels so cold
indescribable inside

Is life a paradox
i'm wandering along its journey
and i found the hardship in its happiness
i found happiness behind its hardship
at the touch of happiness
and every touch of sadness
it is said as it is all part of His dignity
The One who creates, the One who decides
The Greatest of the greatest one

Is life a paradox
I keep questioning why
Why would He put people in suffer
if He's the Compassionate, the Merciful
Why would He create life
if at the end it would all end up in death
Why would He create love and hatred upon the earth
if He's Love, if Mahabbah is the greatest love
Why would He creates happiness and sadness
if He could just turn everything into smile
why would He create tears in every cry
why would He create such a terribly world
where love, hate, peace, and fight come into one
why would He create heaven and hell
why woudn't He create heaven only
then put all of us into an everlasting happiness

***

Is life a paradox? This question keeps blowing in my mind. I have no idea on such thinking. Perhaps it’s nothing but a buzzing words that keep bothering inside. Perhaps I am just too tired. Perhaps I am thinking too much about my idealism and reality. Between the fiction and its fact. Between matter that matters. Between things that give meanings. Reflection uponn the deep philosophy behind the humorous Sherman Alexie, the ridiculous Imran Ahmad within his memoar, the touching story of Kiss The Lovely Face of God, the graceful memoar Aku dan Dia of the minister Daoed Joesoef, the golden words that reflect to my own paradigm. Oh well, I guess I cant stop my own mind to think over it!

I am not writing about pessimism. I don’t want to write about it. I just need to pour my thoughts. No matter how. No worries on what anyone would think about it. I have the right to do what I believe. I have the right to be here even only with my nonsense thought. Forgive me. This is such an overwhelming sound inside. I cant handle it. If I have written it down I wouldn’t have thought much like this. Sometimes that happens. Most of the time this is such a killing unknown disorder.

O Lovely Glowworm “Scene of The Great Beauty” was one of my favorite play by Jim Bergler. I love the way a goat thinks deeply the meaning of life and love. I learnt alot from that little act although it needs deep thought to really understand its complex and philosophical art. I learnt about sincerity and happiness that resemble into life. I learn through the goat’s determination of his own self. This much resembles the life of human itself.

I remember once the mother said, “When there is life there is hope. When there is hope there is disappoinment.” That happens to most people. Everyone expects, but at the end he would disappoint his own expectation. I agree at some point but not literally the whole parts of her line (quotation) in the manuscript of this act. I would tell my own self, “When there is life there is hope. When there is hope, there is more and more hope.” Idealistic, huh? That’s how you stay alive. I promise.

God creates things every single thing in pair even when they are opposite ways they’re created in pair. The Koran said so, as well. I am not quite sure, perhaps Ar Ruum:21. Why would has He done so (creating things in pair even when the two are good and bad)? Wouldn’t it create paradox of life? Indeed He is the One who knows the exact reason. Well He is wise at the point of how a good person will be at the side of a good one and vice versa. It is absolute in the day after. However, in this contemporary world things arent that way. Sometimes good things are at the side of bad things.

My personal thought would be bias, pragmatic, or another misperception. However my own logics would always find how weird and so mysterious on how things are  once created and started as well as how He would finally end everything. Yes. Kunfayakuun, if anything could be done. I wonder why there is always hard consequence over things. Love and hatred. Life and death. Laughters and Cries. Friends and foes. Why? I mean if He created love merely without hatred upon this earth wouldn’t it be easier for everyone even for the Creators?

Allah meliputi segalanya. Alif laam miim. He the One who knows, The One and Only, The Most Knowledgeable.

Oh my bad, I am nobody who doesnt know how to think and get trapped in this insomniac anxiety.

Yogyakarta, 9 August 2013